This is an essay about the death of civil discourse. It is not an essay about politics (although I do focus on the Israel-Hamas-Palestine war to examine this phenomenon), or even about opinion (although I do share some of my own). No, it is fundamentally about how we talk to each-other and why it matters.

I have long said that I don’t watch dramatised versions of historical tragedies. I’ve never watched Twelve Years a Slave, I’ve avoided Schindler’s List, and even Slumdog Millionaire, for all its heartwarming glow was a one-time watch only for me.

Every so often, a collection of words will drop into my mind and reverberate around my consciousness for days or weeks. They will feel so true, and yet I don’t fully touch the depth of their meaning until something happens to land them.

Many people who follow me here, came into this space during the ascendence of Black Lives Matter in 2020. At the time I was writing a lot on what it would take to heal racism. I am deeply grateful for the community I’ve built as a result of that time. And of recent I’ve stopped talking about race here. And I wanted to share why.

The desire to be “good” is so strong in our culture. It’s built into our mythology (heroes and villains), our religions (saints and sinners), and our modern culture (good allies, bad allies).

Holiday Phillips is a sociologist, coach, writer, and speaker on the topics of philosophy, spirituality, culture, and personal transformation. She is also the co-founder of Kula, a consultancy that helps organizations develop conscious leadership and diverse, equitable, and inclusive workplaces. All of her work is in service of this question: “What will it take to build a wiser, kinder world?"

On the 25th February 2020, Ahmaud Arbery, a black man, was shot dead in the middle of the day by two white men (a retired policeman and his son). They got in the car, tailed him, and shot him twice at point blank range. He bled out and died in the presence of his murderers.

Holiday Phillips is a meditation teacher and leadership coach based in London who believes in mindfulness in action and supports the creation of conscious leaders and organizations.